If he said you had a beautiful body....

Would you believe him?

Even though I was a model for several years I never saw myself as beautiful. My agency said I was, the photographers I worked with, my boyfriend. And my friends told me they envied my beauty but I didn't believe any of them.

In fact, each time I saw the finished photos (and this was before photoshop and digital photography had been introduced) I didn't even really feel that the girl in the photos was me. It was like I was looking at someone else, at a girl who I envied and wished I could resemble.

You are probably wondering why I worked as a model when I didn't feel like one but the moment I got in front of a camera, there was an inner switch that "flicked" on and I lost any and all inhibitions about my looks, just utterly enjoying myself until the photographer finished.

Usually when you read about girls feeling this way you automatically assume that they felt they were "overweight" but I was exactly the opposite. I weighed approx. 100 lbs and with my 5 ft 5 in height that wasn't very much. I had one thing that many other girls did not have, and it was the main reason I had so much work. I had large breasts. Somehow almost any weight I gained went straight to my chest while my waist and hips remained very slim.Basically I had the measurements of a human barbie doll.

Now, years later, I understand that the reason I felt the way I did was due to lack of self confidence and the self consciousness about my weight. I had a skewed view of what I saw in the mirror and what others saw.

I felt guilty every time I dared complain about my weight, being told that I should be very lucky with how I was built. I despised diet commercials in the media, quickly flipping a page in a magazine or changing the channel on TV.

Almost 20 years have passed and Society's idea of a "perfect" body still doesn't seem to have changed much. I feel blessed that I have at least gained some weight after 3 pregnancies and am much more comfortable with my body now. I will probably never be what many refer to as overweight but at least I'm not a human barbie doll anymore.

I totally admire women like Jennifer Lopez and Beyoncé Knowles for their bootie and refusal to lose weight just because of the "norm".
I truly hope that with celebrities like the above, women of today will embrace their bodies whatever shape, size and weight they have more readily and be proud of what they look like.